12: 49 am
Our night began as Joe Walsh’s ended. Eliza’s was the destination, a small house, lovely, but completely unfit for a move. The air was dripping with sweat and hot bodies slammed against one another like a human demolition derby. No one greeted us at the door so we greeted ourselves and embraced the atmosphere we were ready to call home for the next two hours.
“This house is basically filled with everyone you see on an instagram-newsfeed-scroll,” Elana wisely noted. She was right. Jack added, “This is a clashing of every single friend group in the high school, resulting in a low-key and diverse experience.”
We squeezed through doorways and under tables, between friends, enemies, and lovers. Amani arrived from a Hoboken rendezvous and was promptly hug-lifted into the air by Jordan Tassey. Rachel and Ernest Mitchell reunited for the first time in what felt like a decade and shared a genuine joy in seeing one another. That one moment added .5 points to our final rank. Annie wore a tank top she thought made her look like she was the kind of girl who might “try anything once” or “wouldn’t mind spending a night in with the guys, playing FIFA.” She didn't. She will never look like that.
We took several laps around the first floor but didn’t go into the basement because the ceiling was reportedly crumbling. With every step we took, another move-attendee asked, “What’s this one rated?” Everyone always talks about how being famous is harder than it looks, and they are right.
One of the highlights of Annie’s night was a brief conversation she overheard between Sebi and Ellery. Sebi asked Ellery, “On a scale of one through apple juice, what would you rate this move?” Ellery responded with confidence: “Apple nut.” When asked to provide a quote for the blog, Melissa reported that the humidity in the vicinity was so high, her glasses fogged immediately upon her arrival.
Someone talked to Jane and it made her uncomfortable. Whenever she saw a person interacting with another person she thought to herself “how do you do it?” Someone whom Jane had never met nor seen before told her that he spent his summer smoking on his sailboat and learning CPR. “So if you need CPR, let me know,” he added. With these two facts and off-putting statement, she decided to seek another place to stand. There was a copious amount of drunken teenagers but we were not one of them. Sobriety has become a life choice at the moves we attend. Our sacrifice is one for unadulterated journalistic integrity.
As the amount of sweaty bodies began to multiply by the minute, the dancing became more intense, more barbaric, and harder to watch. Chloe, looking out onto the sea of moshers, cried, “Why does no one know how to dance in this town?!” As we looked into the mosh pit, we could only distinguish a few familiar figures. We spotted the same guy on crutches from the first move review and it still seemed like a bad idea.
We went outside a few times, following people that we vaguely knew, whether they were from assigned group projects or they were mutual finsta followers. It was a nippy 46 degrees fahrenheit but we were warmed by the false sense of fitting in :-) Adriana walked outside and said, “I've just been through hell and back.” She, however, did not elaborate. If you’re reading this Adriana: we hope you are alright.
Toward the end of the move, Amani shared some insight. He told us he was, “having a nine” (please reference ratings chart) and that the house was never going to be the same. Before leaving, Jane's tape measurer was nowhere to be found which resulted in a -.3 from the final rating.
Overall, this move was a worthwhile endeavor. Eliza was generous for opening her home to us. She allowed two seniors to write a review of her party. In the end, that’s all we have to be thankful for.
Overall Rating: 7.2/10
Female to Male Ratio: 7 x 10^23 :8 x 10^24
Redeeming Quality: Good question.
