November 28, 2015

The night began with a nameless address. The move had been on our minds for hours. Annie snapchatted 13 acquaintances asking where it was and Amani finally came through with the hint of a location.

Jane pulled up in front of Annie’s house with a look in her eyes that said, “What are we doing with our lives?” The homeowner of the first destination was yet to be determined, but we marched on despite this missing piece of absolutely key information. We picked up 4 members of Boys Group 1 and they packed into the backseat of the move-mobile. A newfound male energy fogged the car windows.

We rolled up to house 1 and waited in the car while MF Doom secreted through the speakers of the move-mobile. The house was debatably empty and track team girls dotted the street. Emily walked up to the car window and told us, “I love you guys… go save yourself.” We sat for a moment, contemplating her profound advice. A new address was shouted into the night from an anonymous source. We were desperate enough to follow.

House 2’s address turned out to be a prank, the home of a disgraced MHS graduate. We didn’t laugh and then headed to location number 3.

Jane changed the CD at a stop sign and with the guidance of Google Maps, the gang arrived at house 3. Cameron stepped outside to pee on a lawn and was illuminated by the headlights of passing cars. The backseat-boys knew some of the passing pedestrians and Annie rolled her window down 2 inches and received a limp handshake from one of the boys crowding the outside of the vehicle.

“Yo, is that Cristina Renee?” Asked the tallest of the bunch, peering through the window.

“No. Just us,” Annie and Jane responded.

“:-(”

The gang got out of the car and Jane was told her parking was illegal by a nearby homeowner. She returned to the driver’s seat to re-park, but before the K turn could begin it had ended when he backseat-boys reported that move was bumped. The gang loaded back into move-mobile, damn near exhausted and disappointed.

We were welcomed warmly at the 4th destination by Christian yelling, “Who’s car is that? What are you doing outside my house?”

As the group of 7 retreated back to the move-mobile, Sebi texted Annie, “Christian’s is not a thing.” But we already knew. Boy did we already know.

Overall Rating:

House 1: 0/10  (did not make it inside)

House 2: 0/10 (house was not home to a move, we were duped)

House 3: 0/10 (did not make it inside)

House 4: -1/0  (yelled at and did not make it inside)

Female to Male Ratio: 2:4 (not a ratio, literal figures)

Redeeming Quality: Going outside

Correction, 1:25 am. Christian's ended up being a thing but we went way too early.

The Boo-ove Review

Last night began spookily. The beekeeper, the sexy Best Buy employee, the T-bo, and the tourist were all perfecting their costumes at Annie’s house, anxiously awaiting the stroke of 9 pm so they could arrive promptly on time to the evening’s move. Season 4 of the office played eerily in the background, the house a nippy 62 degrees Fahrenheit. The move was moments from fruition.

Annie, although newly licensed, was not allowed to drive because her parents were worried she would end the night with the blood of a child on her hands and a lifetime worth of regret. Consequently, Annie’s dad drove the collection of friends wearing wildly unrelated costumes to the move a little too early. Maggie’s basement greeted us warmly, DJ Burt’s tunes flowed freely from the speakers, and all was well.

Jack, dressed as the Dalai Lama, was mistaken for Avatar The Last Airbender one too many times. This prompted anger from a man dressed in a costume that embodied ultimate peace. Despite the confusion, Jack was satisfied with the atmosphere of the move, saying, “The music is incredible, DJ Burt Floggin is really killing it.” When Sam was asked for a quote he responded, “Thumbs up emoji.”  Later in the evening, Sebi remarked, “Shout out to Aidan S who we stranded on a random lawn by accident.”

Glynnis, trying to be a helpful wingwoman, lifted Annie by the waist, held her tightly against her chest, and force-carried her around the basement two full times in an attempt to get her to talk to a boy who she admires. The encounter ended with intervention by Henry and Annie was returned safely to the ground.

As 12 am neared, the trap music was periodically paused so it could be announced that we had no business staying one second past midnight. As the move-goers grew frantic about the approaching departure deadline, Jane began to lose her bagels. As her collection of bagels decreased from 6 to 3, Jane’s T-bo costume became less convincing. One bagel was hastily yanked from her dowel rod, another she generously donated to a guest who explained how dire her need for a bagel was, and one, Jane ate herself.

The night was ended at McDonald’s. The establishment was the most crowded Annie had ever seen it, filled to capacity with almost entirely MSU students. An angry 45 year old man asked for a full refund on his meal because it was taking too long to get it him, the request rendered Annie speechless.

On the way out of the parking lot, Daisy, in her minivan, almost rear-ended a car occupied by two young people feverishly making out. She was so close to hitting it that the young woman in the car got out, pants-less, and before she could open her mouth to yell, we were absolutely out of there.

All in all, we were glad we could flaunt our incredibly clever costumes to a large group of our peers. Thanks Maggie!

Overall Rating: 7/10

Female to Male Ratio: 6:5 

Redeeming Quality: Rachel’s beekeeper costume